haha!

How people treat you is their karma.
how you react is yours.

I personally don't think you have a right to complain if I fall for somebody else, since that wouldn't happen if you were doing your job right in the first place.

lovelovelove

"Recently, I've come to realise there is five types of love in this world. Theres the love you have for your family, of reliability, of trust, of home Theres the love you have for your friends, of laughs, tears, and strangh, Theres the love of -how must people view love- another person, the love of love, Theres the love of a place, of somewhere different, of somewhere amazing, And then theres the last, but not least importent, love, The love of life, of the future, of the promise of happiness, and of something to live for."

theres no such thing as forever
but love me for as long as you can

(L)

i miss you.
this weekend was amazing. so thank you.
your a really special person in my life, and your the reason i still believe that true love still exists.
i want to be with you.
i want to be able to call you my own, but im scared.
just promise me that you wont break my heart and i'll be yours?

i think at the begginning, i was scared that i wasn;t over andy, but, i found some really old emails on bebo earlier, and i sat here and read them, and i was scared, because, i thought i was going to cry, or instantly miss him but.. nothing.
i mean, yes, im sad, but thats not because i miss him. im sad because i lost a big part of me.
and it doesnt matter that our relationship was shit, because it always hurts to lose.
'..so prepare yourself for the best and the last relationship you will ever have. i love you baby. forever and always'
THAT WAS A LIE.
so i think, as sad as it makes me to read those words, im more angry than anything.
and im angry, because even when you broke my fucking heart, you told me you'd be my best friend BUT THAT WAS A FUCKING LIE TOO. because you just used me for sex and then fucked off.
so thats how i know im nto missign anything.
and yes im aware i did a bad thing to you, but you gave up, and thats even worse than what i did.
we were so alive once. we walked down the road holding hands in the cold weather, and we wrote our names in the snow.. but we lost it all.
and im happy for that, because ive found something a million times better.
so im not angry anymore, or bitter, or sad, or full of regret.
im just at peace with myself.. finally.
and ive moved on now.
and im gonna carry on doing what im doing, which is forgetting you ever existed.
so unless you ever walk back into my life, this is the last time im gonna be making any refrence to you on here.
as far as im concerned, we never even had a relationship.
maybe its gonna take me a while to heal, but im over you now.
and i like james so much,
and im ready baby, im ready to be your girl.
so say that your nto gonna break my heart.
tell me we can have more amazing weekends like the one we;ve just spent together,
and i promise that im gonna love you with everything ive got.
i promise baby.
xxxx

moving on (:

I forgot how it felt to be able to spend time with someone and not argue at all.
im spending the weekend at james's and its been amazing so far.
last night, sleeping with his arms around me was magical.
and when i got scared in the night, he just held me so tight and stroked my hair and jsut talked so gently to me :)
the thing is though, i cant imagine us ever arguing, cus we always talk about everything.
and we have these really deep talks that just make me melt.
and we're so alike and we have so much in common
there's just nothing to fight about.
he's amazing
and im loving this feeling :)

xx

I love how everything is going right now.
I love how it feels to be with someone and to actually smile, and laugh and have fun.
it scares me though, because i miss you when your not around, and im getting attatched and i dont want to.
and i know you say that your not going to break my heart, but ive heard it before, and that was a lie.
you just have no idea how much i like you.
im just scared okay, and thats why im holding back.
but your so lovely, and kind, and we always talk about stuff really deeply, and your amazing when im upset :)
i just.. ahh :D

xxx

(8)cus your the one i wanna be waking up beside..

Just say you won;t break my heart, and i'll be yours.
promise me that your not gonna run away a couple of months down the line and i'll stop being scared and i'll let you hold me in your arms forever.
you have no idea how much i like you.
ive never liked anyone this much before.
and i want to be your girl more than anything in the world.
but im scared.
so jsut promise you'll look after me, and my heart,
and i promise to love you with everything i've got.

xx

(8)you better go and get your armour

I forgot how it felt to want someone so bad
to actually need someone there beside you.
you are all i ever think about
you are the first thing on my mind when i wake up, and the last thing i think about before i fall asleep
i really really want to be your girl
just give me a little bit of time okay, to sort my head out.
im scared, i cant help that.
im falling for you and its scaring me so much
because i miss you all the time, and whenever i even think about you i get butterflies in my tummy.
im not ever gonna promise forever, because i've learnt from experiance that that promise is a lie, but i could be happy with you for a really long time.
i promise to always be honest with you, and to always talk our arguments out, and to talk about the jelousy, and i promise not to ever hurt you.
but most importantly, i promise im gonna give you everything i've got.

xx

You have no idea how much i like you.
i cant explain this feeling. it just cant be put into words.
every time you look at me i just get butterflies in my tummy.
and you just make me melt inside when we have those really deep talks.
and every time you hold me in your arms i just don't want you to let me go.
i think im falling for you.
and im scared.

(8)I feel like im in a race, but i've already won first place

Sometimes, you love, you learn and you move on.
and thats okay.

Your teaching me to smile and laugh again and your slowley filling this big hole inside of me.
I love how i can tell you everything, literally everything and you never laugh or anything.
and i love how we talk about everything.
and how you hold me back at parties when you think im gonna lunge on stupid girls and beat the shit out of them! :L
i want to be with you, but im scared. and i need time and i love how you understand this.
im just scared to get my heart broken again.
i could love you for a really long time.
i can just feel it.
and i want to end up with you.
because no one has ever made me smile and laugh this much.
i dont ever want to see that change.

xx

partaaaaaayy

Possibly one of the best nights on my life.
apart from the face i only got 3 hours sleep ;)
and had to clean up sick :( yummy!
good timesss

Last night was amazing.
i slept with james's arms around me all night, and i have honestly never felt so safe in my whole life.
i like him so much.
i havent felt this way in so long.
i just get butterflies in my tummy whenever i think about him. and i just wanna be around him all the time.
eee :)
(8)somehow you have managed to get under my skin more than anyone ever did

xx

(L)jamesjamesjames

so, last night, me and james talked on the phone until the sun came up.
and i finally told him about everything.
about the panic attacks and just.. everything.
and he didnt laugh. or make me feel stupid. he just said 'next time i see you im giving you the biggst hug ever, and im gonna hold you so tight and tell you how im not going anywhere and im gonna support you'
and it just made me feel so much better knowing that i dont have to hide stuff from him.
hes just so lovely, and kind and understanding
and when hes holding me in his arms i feel so safe
hes the best thing thats happened to me in a while
and when he kisses me, its like something inside is telling me to never let him go.
and on saturday night i get to sleep wth his arms arond me, and i just know its going to be the most magical night ever :)

and as for andy, everyone told me i would start to hate him, but i didnt believe them.
they were right though.
and id rather be filled with hate, than the empty sadness ive been feeling for the last month.
im over it, and im okay :)

(8)guess what,
im having more fun,
now that we're done.

xx

i want to tell you.
i really do.
and im trying.
but its really hard.
and i get so far, and then i just stop.
just bear with me ok.

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you,
my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark,
I still have these memories,
But we'll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real.
You said they were, what happened?
You were a priority, was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
you knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it
.Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

it all started with the park and ride races

A while back, i met a boy.
and i thought he was amazing.
and i fell for him, despite trying to stop myself.
and me and this boy, we had races in the park and ride carpark,
we sat in mcdonalds and made pictures out of 1p coins,
we had a wonderful christmas together,
and we had the funniest easter ever.
me and this boy, we played with playdough, and we sat on the swings till the sun went down,
and we had so much fun.
and i thought he'd be around forever.
but things changed, and now he's gone/
and yeah ok, i did a bad thing, and maybe if i hadnt done that we would still be together, but, the truth of it is, if we were still together, i wouldnt be half as happy as i am now.
that boy dissapeared somewhere along the way, and we didnt laugh anymore, we didnt talk and we didnt have fun.
so maybe its not such a bad thing that hes gone.
when he left, it hurt a lot, but i picked myself up, and i taught myself to smile again.
and maybe its going to take me a while to be able to forget this boy.
maybe its going to take me a while to be able to forget how he held me, and how he made things okay when everything was so wrong.
but i will forget him eventually.
and i believe that there is someone out there who can make me feel the way that he did, maybe even stronger.
maybe im stupid for thinkin this, or maybe im naive. or just maybe, hope dies last.
either way, im not sad that hes gone.
he took a piece of me with him, and i think i just need to take some time to myself to figure out how to fill this empty space inside of me.
im not hurting, but my heart is broken.
but i'd just like to say thankyou to this boy, for making me the person i am, for making me strong and teaching me how to be ok on my own.
you were the worst thing that ever happened to me, but you changed me, so at least i can take away something good from the past few months.
you broke my heart, but im nto angry anymore, or bitter.
but i just wanted to say that a month ago today, my life changed forever and im never going to be the same again./
im moving on now and im picking up the pieces.
so id like you to leave me alone please.
x

freedom

When andy first left, sams mum told me to make a list, of all the things i want to achieve, and although it may have seemed like a pretty crap idea at the time, when i look at that list now, and how many things i've ticked off, i feel so much better. I've moved schools, and i've got a job interview on thursday, and all these little things, and im just looking at my life, and im doing all these things ,and im starting to realise that i dont need andy to complete me. or any boy for that matter.
im happy, and im moving on and im smiling.
and yeah, some people may say that me moving schools is running away, but its not. i owe it to myself, to go back to where im comfortable ,and where everything is familiar and im around my friends. i dont want to have to see andy every day, i just dont.
i think i finally got what i deserved.. freedom

:)

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[c=#3197CE]Conor.[/c] VIDZONE IS AWESOME! says:
louise your never going to move on unless you just shut him out your life and not give a fuck whether he lives or dies. as much as it would hurt you'd be so much happier if he had nothing to do with you

ALL YOU DO IS MAKE ME ANGRY YOU TWAT
SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I DONT FUCKING NEED YOU
YOUR A FUCKING LIAR AND I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU
CAN YOU NOT TAKE A HINT?
IM MOVING ON

I really really like you.
and i do find it hard to tell you.
i get so far and then i just pull back.
and im sorry for that.
i want to give you my everything but im afraid.
and i know you say you wont ever hurt me, but, ive heard that before.
but you need to know, i miss you when your not around.
And i love how nice you are, and how we take this slow, and i love how you dont ask questions. you dont ever ask where i dssapear to on a monday afternoon, or why sometimes i cook food and dont eat it all, or why i freak out at certain situations.
But i know you'd listen and hold me if i ever wanted to talk to you about it.
i do like you ok, and i promise one day im gonna say it back to you next time you tell me how much i mean to you

THIS WAS NEVER SUPPOSSED TO BE A WAR
IT WAS SUPPOSSED TO BE LOVE

JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE
STAY OUT OF MY LIFE AND LET ME MOVE ON
BECAUSE IM SO MUHC HAPPIER WHEN YOUR NOT AROUND
YOU CANT JUST USE ME FOR SEX
IM WORTH MORE THAN THAT
SO JUST GO

there are reasons why your my best friend thomas davis (L)

Tom says:
and can you not see something?
Louise! :L says:
how do you mean
Tom says:
I mean everything. Can you NOT see it. Can you see what he is doing?
Louise! :L says:
no
Tom says:
Ok, he wants you for one thing. He will do anything to get that. I mean ANYTHING. He will trick you into something (like getting back together) and then have sex. He just wants you for SEX. Nothing else! He doesnt want a relationship. He knows how to get it from you, thats why he still talks to you. If he knew he couldn't, he would of fucked off as soon as you broke up. He is a typical guy.
Tom says:
They do anything for sex. What ever he says, hes lying.. doesn't matter how convincing it is. He is lying.
Louise! :L says:
but i miss him.
Louise! :L says:
and it hurts sometimes
Tom says:
You have to overcome that. You NEED to move on! I'm sorry, but you just need to know what he is doing. There is no other way of telling it. I just want to let you know why and what he is doing. You don't see it because you miss him. I see it tho, if I told scott, he will see it, if I told anyone else, they will see it. (Get the gist).
Tom says:
I'm just trying to make you happy and going back to Andy will not make you happy. It will be the same all over again. I don't want that, and I wouldn't imagine you would either. Why would you want to be in a relationship which you argue and get jealous all the time? You want a relationship where you are happy, have a great time with eacohother, it should be the best thing. No arguing. Nothing.
Tom says:
Going back with andy is NOT that.

Tom says:
He does to meet up to have sex. Beleive me. Hes a guy. Fun = Sex. He knows how to get to you and use you now.. Dont fall for it. He is lying. Gareentee that. Don't even how temping it is, just don't. Please move on. I'm just trying to do the best for you. Trying to make you happy. Going back to him will not be good, basically.

(L)Jordan Ivey

Louise! :L says:
can i ask you a question?
- Jord Lyddd. says:
okk
Louise! :L says:
after all the times i hurt you, and all the shit i put you through. why did you take me back a year ago?
- Jord Lyddd. says:
cas i loved you still obvs
Louise! :L says:
but i hurt you so much, and you still forgave me. why? i dont think i could do it. and andy obviously cant, and what me and him went through wasnt half as bad as what i did to you, and yet he still wont forgive and forget.
- Jord Lyddd. says:
obviously he doesnt love you then
Louise! :L says:
so, your saying, that if he really loved me, then hed ignore what his friends say, and forget what i did and make a fresh start with me? and because hes not doing that, he doesnt love me and i should just move on and find a lovely boy who will treat me right
- Jord Lyddd. says:
yeh, thats right
- Jord Lyddd. says:
Look, when you really love someone, you forgive them for anything. Love is all about being able to see the best in people. It's about being able to love them despite how much they hurt you. You did something to andy, which hurt him, but the point is, and this is what you have to realise, even though you were wrong, he's been a bigger twat than you were because he wont take you back. You will find someone better i promise you. Now, take this as a lesson learned. Forget him. Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. Because you don't need him.

just a boy

Im starting to realise that he's just a boy
a special one maybe
but he's not mine
and i can;t do things to make him love me.
if he wanted to, he would.

Before the storm

I know this isn't what I wanted
I never thought it come this far
Just thinking back to where we started
And how we lost all that we are
We were young and times were easy
But I could see it's not the same
I'm standing here but you don't see me
I'd give it all for that to change
And I don't want to lose her
Don't wanna let her go
Just standing out in the rain
I need to know if it's over,
because I would leave you alone
Flooded with all this pain knowing that I'll never hold her
Like I did before the storm
Before the storm
With every strike of lighten
Comes a memory that lasts
And not a word is left unspoken
As the thunder starts to crash
And maybe I should give up
Just standing out in the rain
I need to know if it's over,
because I would leave you alone
Flooded with all this pain knowing that I'll never hold her
Like I did before the storm
Trying to keep from lights are going out
And the clouds from ripping out my broken heart
We always say
A heart is not a whole without the one who gets you through the storm
Just standing out in the rain
Knowing that's it really over,
please don't leave me alone
Flooded with all this pain
knowing that I'll never hold you
Like I did before the storm
Yeah Like I did before the storm

I cried today.
Not because i miss you.
But because i realised im gonna be alright without you.

My sister (L)

Louise! says:
I know you hate me for making andy leave, and im really really sorry :'(
Lucy! BABYYY says:
WTF? Lu. I dont hate you for making him go. HE was the one that left YOU. That KNOB left you broken and i was the 1 who had to pick up the pieces, so its him im mad at for that, not you.Sure, you did a bad thing, but he didn't stick around long enough to work it out.
Lucy! BABYYYsays:
Im mad at you, because your still letting him use you. Your letting him take advantage of him,and he knows he can because he knows you still love him. So STOP being so stupid. I hope we never have to see him again, so shut him out. please. do it for me. i dont want to see you sad anymore.
Lucy! BABYYY says:
How about James?
Louise! says:
:( i like him, but, im scared to be happy.
Lucy! BABYYY says:
Well, i like him and i would be quite happy if the two of you get married.
Louise! says:
But im scared of you liking him, i dont want you to get close to him :(
Lucy! BABYYY says:
Luuuuuuu. i'll be fine. im NOT sad that andy is gone,. because of how he hurt you. So just do the right thing and make yourself happy. ok?!!!!!

The past is done.
Its unchangeable
Move on

Everyone is taught to look both ways before crossing the street and to talk quietly in the libary.
But no-one ever learns anything that matters.
Like how to keep breathing when your heart breaks in two.

Haven't you got it by now?
I hate you and i dont want you in my life.
leave me the fuck alone.

(8)its alright, its ok. im so much better without you..

You asked me to fight for you.
And i did.
I fought for a really long time.
But it got to the point where i realised, there's no point in fighting with thin air.

I think the only reason i got over andy so quick, was because i refused to let myself sit around and get sad about it. whereas with jordan, i used to listen to sad songs and go places that reminded me of him, but with andy, i completley shut him out. nothing reminds me of him anymore. the past three weeks have been the best three weeks of my life. ive done so many new things, and yeah ive been scared but, ive done it. i forced myself to get out there and meet new people and take chances, because ive got nothing to hold me back. And ive planned so much for this summer, so i always have something to look forward too. the next few weeks involve, beach camping, parties, STRIPPERS! oh yeah haha and just meeting a lot of new people :)
ive already met some people who make me smile, but i know im not ready for anythign seriosu yet, but that jsut proves that in the future, theres always gonna be someone. im not gonna be alone forever.
when he first ended it, i thought it was the end of the world, but tbh, a lot more good things came out of it than bad.
1.it made me stronger. i had to do things on my own, andy was lways there for me when i had my little 'funny turns' but i learnt to cope with it an im doing jsut fine.
2. it brought me hellavu lot closer to my friends. sam has been amazing the past few weeks. and as for all my ladsss, we've had so much fun haha. runnin naked around a field has never felt so good ;)
3.it taught me everything i want my future guy to be. everything that he wasnt.
4.it taught me to be honest.

so you see, its not the end of the world. its jsut the begginning. so heres to the summer, and fun, and friendship.
pictures of partying comign soon!

xxx

I swear to god if you marry him im moving out.
im not even joking.
thanks mum. thanks a lot for choosing him over us.

Mannnnnn.
First dates make me so nervous.
Seriously. Im so nervous i could throw up :L

It's weird how three weeks ago i thought my world was ending, and now im starting to realise that its only just begginning. The past week has been amazing ever since i got back off holiday. Ive been meeting so many new people, and seeing all my friends, and we've been beach etc so much, my legs are hurting from all the walking lol! I think its fiannly at the point, where ive realised, that my relationship wasnt working and it was going to end soon enough anyway. we had a good run, but we werent very well suited for each other. all we did was argue. Im just ready to get out there again, and find someone. when its real, its forever. and i dont know if im going to be 17, or 27 before i find the one who im gonna stick with forever, but i know that i eventually will find him. Im just looking forward to this summer. all the parties, and the beach, and the having fun. staying at toms and staying up waaaay too late watching films :L good times.

So, wish me luck on my dateee, i'll keep you posted ;) :L haha

and.. and.. and... im going travelling soon ! :L
amsterdamm in 8 weeks.
then.
Greece. Paris. London. Malta. New york. New england. Spainn

:L:L

xx