(L)

i miss you.
this weekend was amazing. so thank you.
your a really special person in my life, and your the reason i still believe that true love still exists.
i want to be with you.
i want to be able to call you my own, but im scared.
just promise me that you wont break my heart and i'll be yours?

i think at the begginning, i was scared that i wasn;t over andy, but, i found some really old emails on bebo earlier, and i sat here and read them, and i was scared, because, i thought i was going to cry, or instantly miss him but.. nothing.
i mean, yes, im sad, but thats not because i miss him. im sad because i lost a big part of me.
and it doesnt matter that our relationship was shit, because it always hurts to lose.
'..so prepare yourself for the best and the last relationship you will ever have. i love you baby. forever and always'
THAT WAS A LIE.
so i think, as sad as it makes me to read those words, im more angry than anything.
and im angry, because even when you broke my fucking heart, you told me you'd be my best friend BUT THAT WAS A FUCKING LIE TOO. because you just used me for sex and then fucked off.
so thats how i know im nto missign anything.
and yes im aware i did a bad thing to you, but you gave up, and thats even worse than what i did.
we were so alive once. we walked down the road holding hands in the cold weather, and we wrote our names in the snow.. but we lost it all.
and im happy for that, because ive found something a million times better.
so im not angry anymore, or bitter, or sad, or full of regret.
im just at peace with myself.. finally.
and ive moved on now.
and im gonna carry on doing what im doing, which is forgetting you ever existed.
so unless you ever walk back into my life, this is the last time im gonna be making any refrence to you on here.
as far as im concerned, we never even had a relationship.
maybe its gonna take me a while to heal, but im over you now.
and i like james so much,
and im ready baby, im ready to be your girl.
so say that your nto gonna break my heart.
tell me we can have more amazing weekends like the one we;ve just spent together,
and i promise that im gonna love you with everything ive got.
i promise baby.
xxxx