haha!

How people treat you is their karma.
how you react is yours.

I personally don't think you have a right to complain if I fall for somebody else, since that wouldn't happen if you were doing your job right in the first place.

lovelovelove

"Recently, I've come to realise there is five types of love in this world. Theres the love you have for your family, of reliability, of trust, of home Theres the love you have for your friends, of laughs, tears, and strangh, Theres the love of -how must people view love- another person, the love of love, Theres the love of a place, of somewhere different, of somewhere amazing, And then theres the last, but not least importent, love, The love of life, of the future, of the promise of happiness, and of something to live for."

theres no such thing as forever
but love me for as long as you can

(L)

i miss you.
this weekend was amazing. so thank you.
your a really special person in my life, and your the reason i still believe that true love still exists.
i want to be with you.
i want to be able to call you my own, but im scared.
just promise me that you wont break my heart and i'll be yours?

i think at the begginning, i was scared that i wasn;t over andy, but, i found some really old emails on bebo earlier, and i sat here and read them, and i was scared, because, i thought i was going to cry, or instantly miss him but.. nothing.
i mean, yes, im sad, but thats not because i miss him. im sad because i lost a big part of me.
and it doesnt matter that our relationship was shit, because it always hurts to lose.
'..so prepare yourself for the best and the last relationship you will ever have. i love you baby. forever and always'
THAT WAS A LIE.
so i think, as sad as it makes me to read those words, im more angry than anything.
and im angry, because even when you broke my fucking heart, you told me you'd be my best friend BUT THAT WAS A FUCKING LIE TOO. because you just used me for sex and then fucked off.
so thats how i know im nto missign anything.
and yes im aware i did a bad thing to you, but you gave up, and thats even worse than what i did.
we were so alive once. we walked down the road holding hands in the cold weather, and we wrote our names in the snow.. but we lost it all.
and im happy for that, because ive found something a million times better.
so im not angry anymore, or bitter, or sad, or full of regret.
im just at peace with myself.. finally.
and ive moved on now.
and im gonna carry on doing what im doing, which is forgetting you ever existed.
so unless you ever walk back into my life, this is the last time im gonna be making any refrence to you on here.
as far as im concerned, we never even had a relationship.
maybe its gonna take me a while to heal, but im over you now.
and i like james so much,
and im ready baby, im ready to be your girl.
so say that your nto gonna break my heart.
tell me we can have more amazing weekends like the one we;ve just spent together,
and i promise that im gonna love you with everything ive got.
i promise baby.
xxxx

moving on (:

I forgot how it felt to be able to spend time with someone and not argue at all.
im spending the weekend at james's and its been amazing so far.
last night, sleeping with his arms around me was magical.
and when i got scared in the night, he just held me so tight and stroked my hair and jsut talked so gently to me :)
the thing is though, i cant imagine us ever arguing, cus we always talk about everything.
and we have these really deep talks that just make me melt.
and we're so alike and we have so much in common
there's just nothing to fight about.
he's amazing
and im loving this feeling :)

xx

I love how everything is going right now.
I love how it feels to be with someone and to actually smile, and laugh and have fun.
it scares me though, because i miss you when your not around, and im getting attatched and i dont want to.
and i know you say that your not going to break my heart, but ive heard it before, and that was a lie.
you just have no idea how much i like you.
im just scared okay, and thats why im holding back.
but your so lovely, and kind, and we always talk about stuff really deeply, and your amazing when im upset :)
i just.. ahh :D

xxx

(8)cus your the one i wanna be waking up beside..

Just say you won;t break my heart, and i'll be yours.
promise me that your not gonna run away a couple of months down the line and i'll stop being scared and i'll let you hold me in your arms forever.
you have no idea how much i like you.
ive never liked anyone this much before.
and i want to be your girl more than anything in the world.
but im scared.
so jsut promise you'll look after me, and my heart,
and i promise to love you with everything i've got.

xx

(8)you better go and get your armour

I forgot how it felt to want someone so bad
to actually need someone there beside you.
you are all i ever think about
you are the first thing on my mind when i wake up, and the last thing i think about before i fall asleep
i really really want to be your girl
just give me a little bit of time okay, to sort my head out.
im scared, i cant help that.
im falling for you and its scaring me so much
because i miss you all the time, and whenever i even think about you i get butterflies in my tummy.
im not ever gonna promise forever, because i've learnt from experiance that that promise is a lie, but i could be happy with you for a really long time.
i promise to always be honest with you, and to always talk our arguments out, and to talk about the jelousy, and i promise not to ever hurt you.
but most importantly, i promise im gonna give you everything i've got.

xx

You have no idea how much i like you.
i cant explain this feeling. it just cant be put into words.
every time you look at me i just get butterflies in my tummy.
and you just make me melt inside when we have those really deep talks.
and every time you hold me in your arms i just don't want you to let me go.
i think im falling for you.
and im scared.

(8)I feel like im in a race, but i've already won first place

Sometimes, you love, you learn and you move on.
and thats okay.

Your teaching me to smile and laugh again and your slowley filling this big hole inside of me.
I love how i can tell you everything, literally everything and you never laugh or anything.
and i love how we talk about everything.
and how you hold me back at parties when you think im gonna lunge on stupid girls and beat the shit out of them! :L
i want to be with you, but im scared. and i need time and i love how you understand this.
im just scared to get my heart broken again.
i could love you for a really long time.
i can just feel it.
and i want to end up with you.
because no one has ever made me smile and laugh this much.
i dont ever want to see that change.

xx

partaaaaaayy

Possibly one of the best nights on my life.
apart from the face i only got 3 hours sleep ;)
and had to clean up sick :( yummy!
good timesss

Last night was amazing.
i slept with james's arms around me all night, and i have honestly never felt so safe in my whole life.
i like him so much.
i havent felt this way in so long.
i just get butterflies in my tummy whenever i think about him. and i just wanna be around him all the time.
eee :)
(8)somehow you have managed to get under my skin more than anyone ever did

xx

(L)jamesjamesjames

so, last night, me and james talked on the phone until the sun came up.
and i finally told him about everything.
about the panic attacks and just.. everything.
and he didnt laugh. or make me feel stupid. he just said 'next time i see you im giving you the biggst hug ever, and im gonna hold you so tight and tell you how im not going anywhere and im gonna support you'
and it just made me feel so much better knowing that i dont have to hide stuff from him.
hes just so lovely, and kind and understanding
and when hes holding me in his arms i feel so safe
hes the best thing thats happened to me in a while
and when he kisses me, its like something inside is telling me to never let him go.
and on saturday night i get to sleep wth his arms arond me, and i just know its going to be the most magical night ever :)

and as for andy, everyone told me i would start to hate him, but i didnt believe them.
they were right though.
and id rather be filled with hate, than the empty sadness ive been feeling for the last month.
im over it, and im okay :)

(8)guess what,
im having more fun,
now that we're done.

xx

i want to tell you.
i really do.
and im trying.
but its really hard.
and i get so far, and then i just stop.
just bear with me ok.

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you,
my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark,
I still have these memories,
But we'll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real.
You said they were, what happened?
You were a priority, was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
you knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it
.Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

it all started with the park and ride races

A while back, i met a boy.
and i thought he was amazing.
and i fell for him, despite trying to stop myself.
and me and this boy, we had races in the park and ride carpark,
we sat in mcdonalds and made pictures out of 1p coins,
we had a wonderful christmas together,
and we had the funniest easter ever.
me and this boy, we played with playdough, and we sat on the swings till the sun went down,
and we had so much fun.
and i thought he'd be around forever.
but things changed, and now he's gone/
and yeah ok, i did a bad thing, and maybe if i hadnt done that we would still be together, but, the truth of it is, if we were still together, i wouldnt be half as happy as i am now.
that boy dissapeared somewhere along the way, and we didnt laugh anymore, we didnt talk and we didnt have fun.
so maybe its not such a bad thing that hes gone.
when he left, it hurt a lot, but i picked myself up, and i taught myself to smile again.
and maybe its going to take me a while to be able to forget this boy.
maybe its going to take me a while to be able to forget how he held me, and how he made things okay when everything was so wrong.
but i will forget him eventually.
and i believe that there is someone out there who can make me feel the way that he did, maybe even stronger.
maybe im stupid for thinkin this, or maybe im naive. or just maybe, hope dies last.
either way, im not sad that hes gone.
he took a piece of me with him, and i think i just need to take some time to myself to figure out how to fill this empty space inside of me.
im not hurting, but my heart is broken.
but i'd just like to say thankyou to this boy, for making me the person i am, for making me strong and teaching me how to be ok on my own.
you were the worst thing that ever happened to me, but you changed me, so at least i can take away something good from the past few months.
you broke my heart, but im nto angry anymore, or bitter.
but i just wanted to say that a month ago today, my life changed forever and im never going to be the same again./
im moving on now and im picking up the pieces.
so id like you to leave me alone please.
x

freedom

When andy first left, sams mum told me to make a list, of all the things i want to achieve, and although it may have seemed like a pretty crap idea at the time, when i look at that list now, and how many things i've ticked off, i feel so much better. I've moved schools, and i've got a job interview on thursday, and all these little things, and im just looking at my life, and im doing all these things ,and im starting to realise that i dont need andy to complete me. or any boy for that matter.
im happy, and im moving on and im smiling.
and yeah, some people may say that me moving schools is running away, but its not. i owe it to myself, to go back to where im comfortable ,and where everything is familiar and im around my friends. i dont want to have to see andy every day, i just dont.
i think i finally got what i deserved.. freedom

:)

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[c=#3197CE]Conor.[/c] VIDZONE IS AWESOME! says:
louise your never going to move on unless you just shut him out your life and not give a fuck whether he lives or dies. as much as it would hurt you'd be so much happier if he had nothing to do with you

ALL YOU DO IS MAKE ME ANGRY YOU TWAT
SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I DONT FUCKING NEED YOU
YOUR A FUCKING LIAR AND I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU
CAN YOU NOT TAKE A HINT?
IM MOVING ON