it is so stupidly hard being in love with a boy who honestly does not give a shit

Transcends explanation

The night we met, is and will always remain a bit of a blur in my mind. Dizzy. Drinking. Dancing. Drunk. We met eyes, we’d heard each others names, maybe passed each other by in the street before. You walked me home that night. We were close after this. inseparable. You were there for me to get over how I’d let myself fall for the wrong guy. I didn’t believe in love, but you convinced me that it was something wroth believing in. You made me want to believe in something – in wishing on shooting stars and being just friends. I thought that I just needed you as a friend. Just you. Nothing more. Nothing less. You were someone to share my secrets with and to cuddle up with when I was having trouble sleeping. You were someone who made me smile. I thought this was enough. It wasn’t anywhere near enough. One night, in a post office... We were together that night. In the closest way one can be with someone. I discounted all the other times I’d been with other boys. This was different from anything I’d ever know. You were better than whatever came before. Since then, we have been together. You make me cry just about everyday. You know just how to wind me up and you get annoyed over silly things. We have our flaws and our arguments, but you were the one who taught me how to love. I love your hugs. I love your enchanting smile. I love how cute you look when you’re angry. I love how you pull my jumper when you want to put your arm around me.. I love how you’re shy. I love it when I can feel you smiling when we kiss. I love our snuggles. I love how you make me laugh five minutes after making me cry... I just love you for you. I can’t explain why, it transcends explanation.

One year

Literally a year ago right now you broke my heart.

and i just wanted to say thank you,

its the best thing that ever happened to me x

boxie

They made a t-shirt for you Andy Bunney.

and you might not even care,

but its enough for me,

and now, i can let go.

finally.

i FINALLY got what i deserved... freedom.

for those of you who want to see the tee.. www.iloveboxie.com on the homepage theres a picture of a tee with a heart on the sleeve. click on story :)

I just want you to care.

and im not going to compramise how i feel anymore.

you SHOULD text me more than once when im out for the night.

and you should just show you care more.

if you dont like it then fucking tough

go find a new girlfriend

but im not calling you tonight

and im not texting you anymore because all you do is make me feel like shit and you hate everything about me, i can never do anythng right and im fucking fed up of it

you think im an idiot.

but im not

i know whats coming

and i know youre going to leave

your forgetting ive been through it before

i know what it means when you stop wanting to see me, and you make up silly excuses not to see me

and you dont talk to me anymore

and the sad thing is, i dont know what to do to make it any better

i cant stop you leaving

but maybe its for the best

all i can say is, i hope you find someone who makes you as happy as you deserve to be

and i'll be just fine

even though i can feel my eyes start to cry as im writing this

We've always been told that things will never be easy,
that people you thought you knew so well, change,
that everything will, at some point, be forgotton,
and all good things, someday will come to an end,
But i never thought you'd be the one to make things hard,
or that you'd be the one i look at and think 'who are you?',
or that id wonder where our amazing nights went,
and i never ever thought id ever ever see the end.

HERE'S TO

Here’s to being lied to. To being walked on, used, promised something and fed bullshit. Here’s to seeing the best in him, not believing that he could possibly be as awful as he turned out to be. Here's to trusting over and over and over again because you really wanted to believe that what he did was a mistake. You wanted to believe that he’s changed. He won't change. The way he was and the way he is, is the way that he always will be. If he lies to you, he doesn’t feel that you are good enough to hear the truth. If he plays you, you don’t mean enough for him to be with just you. Breaking a promise means he is okay with disappointing you. He knows what he is doing when he is doing it. He knows it will hurt you and he does it anyway. And as much as he says he does, he doesn’t really care about you. Here's to him saying he’s sorry. With him its just one of those words that he's said so many times and it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore. The only reason he is sorry is because he was caught in his lies. Excuses mean nothing. Nothing he could possibly come up with could fix what he did. Now take this as a lesson learned, let go and move on with your life…

just a small town girl,living in a lonely world

What do you do when you love someone so much but you just can't seem to do anything to make them happy anymore?I love you so much chris milnes, but you're breaking my heart.and this anxiety disorder is getting the better of me and I just feel like I'm drowning :(

A year ago today, when andy bunney held me in his arms and looked into my eyes and said 'louise isaac , will you make me the happiest boy alive and be my girl, forever and ever?' i only wish someone had told me i was about to make the worst mistake of my life. because i would of saved myself hellavu lot of heartache. And its only now, 6 months after he broke up with me, that i can say that i am truley over him. i dont give a fuck what he does/who he goes out with, i just dont give a shit. hes a cunt. and it took me such a long time to get over him properly, and the past 6months have been a constant batttle, but i did it, im not sad anymore :)

and yes ive learnt alot, but it wasnt worth it, and if i could go back in time, id tell that piece of fucking shit where to go.

because i dont trust anymore because of him, im afraid to let people in.

so well done you wanker.

i hope your fucking happy.

i hate you.

I can't keep chasing you.

I can't text you all the time ,and ask to meet you, when you don't make any effort at all.

and i love you, but this can;t be a one sided thing :(

im done trying.

HOME COULD BE ANYWHERE WHEN I AM HOLDING YOU

And I long for you to appear
After losing your way across star riddled skies
To carry you home

i kind of dont wanna be without you anymore

but im so afraid to tell you how i feel :(

It's funny how you can go so long thinking someone is such a true friend to you, and actually, you find out that they just stab you in the back,

and im done, stop saying shit, im not fucking changing for anyone

just stop making me feel like a shit person

im so mad

i just actually cannot be assed anymore

YOU JUST WALK RIGHT BACK INTO MY LIFE AFTER MONTHS AND MONTHS OF SILENCE

AND THEN YOU JUST PULL ME RIGHT BACK IN.. AND THEN LEAVE AGAIN

SEE THIS IS WHY I DONT FUCKING DO IT TO MYSELF.

THIS IS WHY I BLOCKED YOU FOR SO LONG.

I WONT FUCKING PUT MYSELF THROUGH IT AGAIN.

Summer 2009

So, summer 2009 has come to an end. And on monday, i return to Ridgeway. I am staying at heles for 5 hours a week, and yes i may end up seeing andy, but i oew it to myself to stay at ridgeway for the rest of my subjects, because i am not going to put myself through all the hurt again. This summer has been the best of my life though, and i wouldnt change one second of my life right now. I have the best friends in the world, and i dont even care if i am single for the rest of my life, because i have the most amazingest people in it.anyways, not much more to say, but here are the highlights :) :

If love were standing infrnt of me and asked 'what are you prepared to give me?' I don't know what i'd say. Maybe i'd ask 'What have i done to you? Why did you mess me around like that?' And then i'd shake him until his thoughts are all messed up like mine are. But still, whatever happens and whoever breaks my heart, i still believe in the power of love. Maybe im stupid, maybe im naive, or just maybe hope dies last. and even though my heart is lying in pieces on the ground right now and people are walking all over it i can feel that in the end love will give me a chance. Because even when love stabs you in the back and you have doubts and it hurts, it is still the greatest of feelings. and we give everything for love.. everything.

whats the rush?

I am growing up, and i am changing and it's scary. In a week i have to start at a new school.. again. except this time its different. because this time, im not going to fall for anyone, im not going to get involved, im just going to pass my exams. thats it, thats what i will be happy with. Just that. And last year, it really bothered me that i didnt seem to fit in at heles, and how uncomfortable i felt in my skin, but this year, i dont care if that happens at ridgeway, because i have my friends, i have the best friends in the world and thats where i belong, they changed my life. and i was thnking the other day how everything really does happen for a reason. and if i could go back in time, and choose whether or not to cheat on andy, i would still do it every single time, in fact, i would probably have done worse, just so he would of broken up with me sooner, and even if it meant having andy back in my life, and having things stay the same, i would still do it, because despite all the pain and the heartbreak, i am a stronger person, and i would not change one thing about my life right now.


xxx

(8)You had me at hello

I didn't want this.
I didn't want to fall for you.
I don't want to miss you when you're not around, or feel scared to lose you.
And im trying really really hard to stop myself from falling for you.
Too bad it's not working huh ? :/

xx

My life (L)

So three months ago now, i fell to pieces. I was barley breathing and i just couldn't see the point in anything anymore. I lost andy, and that meant that i lost not only my boyfriend, but my best friend, my world, my past, my future, and also a little piece of me too. And i can honestly say that losing him was the worst thing i have ever gone through. God.. you have no idea how much it hurt. No-one will ever know how much i cried, or how much it broke me inside. But everyone says that things happen for a reason, and those people are right. Because if andy hadn't of left, i would not of had the best summer of my life. And most importantly, i would not of met the people i did. People whom im so grateful for, and who i know will be in my life forever. Sam, the nicest boy i have ever met. He picks me up from town at stupid hours of the morning when im crying my eyes out, and he takes me out, and is always there to talk to and have fun with. And Nath, the funniest boy ever, he makes me laugh so much until i cant breath, and Codie.. my beautiful best friend who i can promsie you, will always mean more to me than anyone else that can possibly walk into my life.
And slowley im picking up the pieces and moving on with my life. And im not gonna lie and say it was easy, because it wasnt. It broke my fucking heart and i am never going to be the same again, but it doesnt even matter that i got hurt, because in that happening, i learnt to be a stronger person, and this summer has honenstly been the best summer of my life. Since may 16th, there has not been a single night when i have been alone. And now i know why fate threw all this heartbreak at me, becaus life wanted me to wake up and stop wasting time. And this summer, i have realise that life is terrible as well as wonderful, and loss can stab and overwhelm just as luck can delight and sparkle. I also knew, from the moment that andy left, that life cannot be controlled, and i will never be the same person again. So this is my story of lost innocence. It is about losing someone close and being betrayed by the one you love. Getting it wrong and finding your way back. It is about fighting your demons and valuing your time on the planet. It is about being a grown up, abotu taking this life in both hands and deciding how to spend it. It is to do with feeling lucky and angry and sad and knowing that people are the most irreplaable, heartbreakingly fragule and precious things in life. So bring it on, bring on all the pain and heartbreak you can throw at me, cus i promise you im gonna fight it.

xxx

The Andy Bunney Alphabet

I found this what i wrote ages ago
thought i would publish it



A is for arctic roll

B is for bacon and Bunney

C is for cuddled

D is for drawing pictures on new years eve

E is for eating lots :)

F is for fatties xD

G is for going in town

H is for hot days lazing around

I is for Isaac, what you called me when you first met me

J is for jumping around to no music

K is for kick abouts at the park. even though i never actually kicked the ball

L is for Love. we had it. and we lost it. life goes on.

M is for mummy bunney

N is for never alone

O is for ____

P is for promises made... and promises broken

Q is for ______

R is for races. at the park and ride. before we even got together

S is for singing along to every song we could find :D

T is for tantrums.. mostly on my part

U is for ____

V is for very lovelyy

W is for wanker.. sorry :L

X is for _____

Y is for you are the best thing to ever happen to me

Z is for _____