(L)

I think that somewhere, a while back. I lost my way a little bit. I forgot who i was and i stopped believing in everything i stood for. I was a horrible person, i wasn't honest or nice,but i was scared. and i had to be the way i was to cover everything up. And then i moved to heles, and i met all of these new people, and they showed me that it's okay to be who you truley are, because somewhere out there, there's a place for everyone, a place where you can fit in and be honest and kind and the world wont eat you up because of it. And i think i've found this place, i spent the past 5 years at ridgeway, always in the background, always caring way too much what people thought and always scared to talk to anyone new. And then i moved, and the first week i thought i'd made the biggest mistake of my life, but then i met andy, and i fell in love and i made friends, and i realised that maybe, just maybe there's no such thing as mistakes, just lessons that need to be learned.
And it's funny because i've only been there 3 months, but in those 3 months, i've changed more than i ever knew i could. Just a while back i was the girl who would go through days of not talking to anyone, or i'd have days where all i wanted to do was shout at everyone around me. I was the girl who would cry late at night and hold my pillow so tight to my body, always wishing for something better. I was the girl who would run home from school and lean over the toilet and stick my fingers down my throte because i thought it made everything better. And okay, maybe my past isn't as bad as i might think, nothing life changing has happened to me, but i've had a tough year. My Grandad died, and i think when you lose someone that special it really affects you.and i lost rhys and that whole fight and everything that happened after it really,really hurt me. And then everything with jordan, and then my step mum and my boss turned against me, and i think that when you realise you don't matter to somebody, you start to wonder if you matter to anybody. And maybe no-body can see how much i've changed, but i see it evry single day when i look in the mirror and it makes me smile. Because for once in my fucking life im happy, and i know that i mess up sometimes, but i couldnt care less, because right now i've got all i ever want in my life.
When i first started at heles, i was determined to make a fresh start for myself, yeah, i had a past, but it was mine and no-body had to know, but you know what, when you finally find that place where you belong,and you find people who you matter to and you finally realise that everything really is going to be okay, i dont think it really matters if people know all the shit that happened to you before you got there. Because it's not really important if you were a bad person somewhere along the way, all that matters is that your not that person anymore. ANd im not, im honest, and i know how to be nice, i can hold my tounge and i don't keep things inside anymore.
There's a place out there for everyone.
It just feels like it took me forever to find mine.

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