It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be sad about it, it’s okay to miss him, and it’s okay to wish that you did something differently, but never blame yourself for how things turned out, never tell yourself you cant do better and never tell yourself that this is the end of the road. Fate has a time and a place for us all and nothing you can say or do will change that. Sure, it’s okay to fall, but it’s never okay to stay down.

(L)

I think that somewhere, a while back. I lost my way a little bit. I forgot who i was and i stopped believing in everything i stood for. I was a horrible person, i wasn't honest or nice,but i was scared. and i had to be the way i was to cover everything up. And then i moved to heles, and i met all of these new people, and they showed me that it's okay to be who you truley are, because somewhere out there, there's a place for everyone, a place where you can fit in and be honest and kind and the world wont eat you up because of it. And i think i've found this place, i spent the past 5 years at ridgeway, always in the background, always caring way too much what people thought and always scared to talk to anyone new. And then i moved, and the first week i thought i'd made the biggest mistake of my life, but then i met andy, and i fell in love and i made friends, and i realised that maybe, just maybe there's no such thing as mistakes, just lessons that need to be learned.
And it's funny because i've only been there 3 months, but in those 3 months, i've changed more than i ever knew i could. Just a while back i was the girl who would go through days of not talking to anyone, or i'd have days where all i wanted to do was shout at everyone around me. I was the girl who would cry late at night and hold my pillow so tight to my body, always wishing for something better. I was the girl who would run home from school and lean over the toilet and stick my fingers down my throte because i thought it made everything better. And okay, maybe my past isn't as bad as i might think, nothing life changing has happened to me, but i've had a tough year. My Grandad died, and i think when you lose someone that special it really affects you.and i lost rhys and that whole fight and everything that happened after it really,really hurt me. And then everything with jordan, and then my step mum and my boss turned against me, and i think that when you realise you don't matter to somebody, you start to wonder if you matter to anybody. And maybe no-body can see how much i've changed, but i see it evry single day when i look in the mirror and it makes me smile. Because for once in my fucking life im happy, and i know that i mess up sometimes, but i couldnt care less, because right now i've got all i ever want in my life.
When i first started at heles, i was determined to make a fresh start for myself, yeah, i had a past, but it was mine and no-body had to know, but you know what, when you finally find that place where you belong,and you find people who you matter to and you finally realise that everything really is going to be okay, i dont think it really matters if people know all the shit that happened to you before you got there. Because it's not really important if you were a bad person somewhere along the way, all that matters is that your not that person anymore. ANd im not, im honest, and i know how to be nice, i can hold my tounge and i don't keep things inside anymore.
There's a place out there for everyone.
It just feels like it took me forever to find mine.

x

Im not missing him.
Im not missing him.
Im not missing him.

Me and jordan, we had a good run. 2 years.. fuck. but we didnt get along, and no amount of crying or missing him is going to change that. And that is exactly why i dont miss him or cry over him. I have andy and i want to spend the rest of my fucking life in his arms.

me and jordan laughed and cried and fought and we spent summer days layed on that swing in this back garden, and we played ps2 until 3am, and he tickled me when i was sat on his futon wearing his boxers.. all of these memories, i will always remember them, and i will cherish them forever, but it doesnt mean i miss them or want to go back. ANd im sat here smiling over how much he made me laugh, but i know i made the right decision because at the age of 17 i found the love of my life.

I will never forget jordan james ivey. not ever.
but andy is fucking amazing. he makes me laugh so hard until it hurts, he never makes me cry, and on the rare occasion i am crying he;s always around to dry my tears. hes just perfect and I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH.

so baby never worry about the boys ive been with. theyve got nothing on you.
im here forever i promise you.

I LOVE YOU BABY!!
xxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou.

You were the one that made me strong.
You made me stand up on my own.
With every cruel intention.
You helped me find my independance.
It's all because of you.
That i have the strength i do.
To turn my pain into passion.
So instead of crashing.
Boy im thanking you.

Letting go.

Letting go isn't about winning or losing.
It's not about pride.
It's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past.
It isn't about loss and it's not about defeat.
To let go is to cherish memories but to overcome them and move on.
Letting go is accepting.
Letting go is having the courage to accept change.

Oh Rhysee :(

We're going to have to accept the fact that people stay in our hearts even if they don't stay in our lives.

So maybe you doubt love.
Maybe you question him because of all these silly little reasons.
But who's on your mind at 2am?
thats where your heart is.
And your heart is always right.

(8)and i see you standing there,
wanting more from me,
and all i can do is try...


it may be in bits and pieces but im giving you the best of me baby.
i gave up my relationship for you,
because you showed me that there was something worth leaving for,
you made me belive that something better was out there,
dont ever make me regret that decision.