(8)Not giving up, just moving on.

Louise may of met a boy.
and she thinks she likes this boy a little bit.
because he gives her butterflies in her tummy and he makes her smile a lot.
shes scared though.
she wants to give him everything she;s got, and really open up to him, but shes so afrad to get her heart broken.
and she just doesnt know what to do.

So, i cried for about three days straight, and then i begged him to take me back.
and then i got over it.
i dont know why but i get over break ups really quickly.
now im just angry tbh and i dont care if i ever see him again.
relatiosnhips are about faith, and andy never believed i could change.
thats pathetic. so i cant wait till i get another boyfriend and i can just love him with everythign ive got and be perfect for ihm
id never ever cheat again
and you know what
jordan was a waaay better boyfriend than andy
just to clarify :)

im louise
im single
and im gonna be just fineee :)

xxxxxxx

I'd be on my knees right now if i thought it would bring you home.
i literally haven't stopepd crying since saturday.
im fine when im out, but i come home, and im all on my own, and i literally collapse and i cry so hard.
i cry loud, and you can probably hear my heart breaking a few miles down the road.
The worst part is, i know it was my fault.
i just want this to go away.
i cant wait until the part comes when i start to hate him.
im pretty sure its gonna come around soon
beats the being sad right?

xxx

I CHEATED ON ANDY
yeah thats right, i cheated on my baby, and thats why i dont expect anyone to have any sympathy for me. I did a bad thing, and he left and i got what i deserved.
But i know im not missign anything, because love.. true love, thats when you can still love someone through all the times they hurt you. Ture love is when, even though someone completley fucks you over and breaks your heart in two, you can still love them with all the little pieces.
and me and andy obviously didnt have that.
so im nto sad about it. because i know in time im gonna find someone so much better. someone who will love me no matter what.
I know i did a bad thing, and i honestly thought id learnt when i cheated on jordan, and i didnt wanan be that girl.
but i guess i am.
now im jsut gonna get the fuck on with my life.
im gonna be alright :)

xxxx

Alone and scared

When andy left me, i thought that i had nothing.
But thats not true is it?
It's not that i have nothing now, i just dont have andy.
And this, hurts like hell. i have never felt anything so bad, but it will go away.
i know it will.
im just gonna stand up strong and fight like hell.
ive got my friends around me, people are really coming through for me
im gonna be ok :)
i promise

'When your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure your still alive, because you are, and that pain that you feel.. thats life. The confusion and fear, thats there to remind you that somewhere out there is somethign better, and that something is worth fighting for'

I cant help it
i hate this relatinship right now

How about a happy post for a change? :L

So, how about a happy post for a change?
Well, me and my baby had a bit of a rough patch, and it really wasn't easy, and to be honest, i didn;t think we'd make it, i thought we'd come to the end of our time together, and it made me really sad.
But then we had this massive deep talk, and we made compromises and we just made things so much better, and right now we are absolutley PERFECT. I'd like to see anyone try and break us now.
and yess i know we are still going to have fights in the future, and we;re still going to get insanley mad at each other, but i dont think that the hate is going to take over this time.
I love andy, he's my everyhting.

(8)This time we're not giving up, lets make this last forever..

i love you, my baby... Im in love with you.
For now, For ever, and For always
xxxxxxxxxxx

I CANT DO IT ANYMORE
AND IM NTO GOING TO CUS IT HURTS TOO MUCH
I JUST NEED TO CHANGE AND MAKE THINGS BETTERR
EUGGGH I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO COME WRAP THEIR ARMS AROUND ME AND HOLD ME SO TIGHT AND TELL ME ITS ALL GONNA BE ALRIGHT.
I JSUT NEED SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND/

my baby

I love my amazing perfect boyfriend SO MUCH!!
and yess we fight sometimes but we always make up because we are so perfect.
i dont ever want any other boy.
i just want him!
hes sooo niceeee
and omgg i love him

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

fuck you

You know what andy.
fuck it.
im not going to make fucking compromises with you if you wont do the fucking same.
your so over protective and you wont let me do anything.
but its alright for you to go to the phoenix with girl mates.

FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU

My baby

My beautiful baby.
Im so sorry for everything.
I promise im gonna make things better.
Its really hard but i promise im going to try and talk to you about my feelings instead of getting mad
i promise okay
i love you too much to ever lose you

I LOVE YOU.

I don't know what im suppossed to do anymore.
I love you, Andy, i do but i can't deal with it anymore.
You just hurt me too much.
And just think, if your single, then you can actually go and have sex with Lauren.
and i wont be in your way.
I know you like her, so i dont even know why you bother denying it.
Just leave, please.
Leave and spare me the heartbreak.

:'(

arg :@

ARG I FUCKING HATE YOU,
YOU STUPID TWAT
JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE
YOUR THE SHITTEST BOYFRIEND IVE EVER HAD
YOU WANKER
ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING HURT ME
FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

panic attacks

With everything going on latley, im having to really dig deep inside me and remember alot of things that i don't really want to remember. Im having to look right back into my past and allow myself to feel things that i havent felt in such a long time.
And its just funny that the decisions you make really do decide who your going to be.
Like, maybe if id never moved to heles, i wouldnt of had these panic attacks, but then again i wouldnt of met andy, so its a small price to pay.
But if i hadnt had them. maybe i wouldnt be looking back so far and in doing so, im figutring out alot of things about myself that i once forgot.
im gonna be okay you know.
its gonna take a long time, but im gonna be just fine.

im jelous, and im angry, and im sad, and im confused, and im scared, and i dont know whats happening to my body, i dont know why im feeling the way i do and it scares me. so bear with me okay. because im going through a lot of changes and im having to adapt and im having to fight like hell, and its fucking hard but im doing it. im starting to realise that sometimes you just have to lose. And i think im okay with that.

What you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be

The way i loved you

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

My heart

Im scared and im angry and im jelous and im sad and im lonely and im confused and my heart is literally breaking.

Andy Bunney

Andy Bunney, you broke my fucking heart and nothing you can say or do can ever make this relationship be the same again.
Your boyfriend is suppossed to be the one person who you can trust more than anyone, and when you cant trust them with everything that you are, what do you do?
YOU FUCKING BROKE MY HEART AND YOU DONT EVEN GIVE A SHIT.
It hurt, what you did, it really really hurt me.
And i didnt wanna cause an argument because i love you too much, but it hurt me really deep and you need to realise that.
Please, please just stop doing these silly things to me, stop thinking i'll let you get away with everything just because i cant stay mad at you.
You use that to your fucking advantage, you think you can do all this shit with other girls and that it wont matter because i wont stay mad at you.
I love you, and im giving you my fucking heart, so please stop breaking it.
I deserve to be treated right after everything i went through with jordan.
I THOUHGT YOU WERE DIFFERENT ANDY BUNNEY, BUT YOUR NOT, YOUR EXACTLY THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER FUCKER IVE EVER BEEN WITH.


I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME.
AND I WANT THEM TO LOVE ME RIGHT.

Please. It hurts so much.

MY HEART IS FUCKING BREAKING.