(8)Big girls don't cry

Im louise
And im single :/

So my two year relationship with Jordan finally ended. AFter months of yelling and screaming and nights layed awake crying, im finally free. I miss him, of course i do, and you know, i think im going to miss him for a long time to come. He's been my everything for the past two years and when your only sixteen thats a long time, but i also know im going to be okay, and i have amazing friends all around me and they're going to help me through it, not like i couldn't do it on my own. Im brave and im so strong and im going to be just fine. Im not a big cryer when it comes to relationships ending, and at first that scared me, because i thought that maybe in time it might all catch up with me and just hurt so much, but i think that maybe im realising the posotive side of this. Although i got hurt, i had an amazing time with Jordan, he taught me everything love is and isn't suppossed to be. He gave me something to compare to. He made me laugh and he showed me that i can learn to love and trust somebody with all of my heart. But he also showed me what relationships aren't suppossed to be like, he taught me that its not okay to shout at a girl, and its not okay to be mean to your girlfriend. I know now what i want in a future relationship and i know how i want to be treated. I will ALWAYS remember Jordan and i will always look back and smile, but now i can get out there and find someone who can be everything Jord was and more. Im going to find my soulmate you know. Im sixteen, i have forever.

But now theres Andy, and godd i haven't felt this way in so long.He's everything a boy is suppossed to be and he knows how to treat me. He's just nice, so, so nice and he makes me laugh like no-one else. Lets just see where it goes.

Im Louise.
Im single.
And im going to be okay.
(:

x

('.')

It's been two years now, and i thought we'd be forever, i did.
But we don't talk anymore, not about the stuff that matters. We don't have in depth conversations and he doesn't listen to my problems. He;s not nice to me sometimes and it breaks my heart when he shouts at me or swears or pushes me.
And it's just getting to the point where im prepering myself to leave.
Jordan thinks he's got me wrapped around his little finger, and that i will always be here no matter how he treats me but it's not suppossed to be like that.
I just cry more than anyone knows and im sad all of the time and i try so hard to hide it but its taking its toll.
I jsut want him to love me.
I just fucking want somebody to love me.
and i want them to love me right.

x

Love is everything its cracked up to be. Its worth waiting for, worth being brave for, and you know what? If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Whenever, wherever, if you are meant to be for each other, love will be there. You don't need to search for love, love will find you.

Halo

I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine every day,
i give you everything i have,
the good the bad...

I just want him to love me.
I want him to love me with everything that he is and i want to feel like i mean something.
I want to feel like im a part of him and like he couldn't bear to live without me.
We've been here twice before but i can't give up this time.
It's just all so hard sometimes because he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand that i need attention from him, and affection, and that i need emotions and serious talks and laughter and fun aswell.
I don't mind the fights, i don't even mind how he talks to me and takes his anger out on me sometimes, i can put up with it just as long as i know he loves me.
He says he does, he says he wants to be with me forever but words aren't always enough are they?
Sometimes i need to be shown, i just need to know that, god i don't even know what i need.
But i want him to stop turning his back on me when he talks to his friends, and for him to hold me close when he talks to other girls, and to just be nice, all the time.
I know i have a temper, and i know when we argue i play a big part in it, but the past 4 days i've jsut been restraining myself so much, and i've taken a step back and realised that actually, so does he. It's not all my fault.
After everyhting with Rhys im hurting alot, and i still miss him, and im always scared he will turn out like Rhys.
I don't want that, i want him to be so lovely. I just want to stop feeling like im not fucking good enough.
Just be the boy who will know me inside out, and who will love me.
So to any guys that are reading this, if you love her, show her, don't yell ever, and don't make her cry. The more you love her, the nicer you need to be. Just remeber that.

x

It's not always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you just have to learn how to forgive yourself.

When i first saw you, i was afraid to meet you,
when i first met you, i was afraid to hold you,
when i first held you, i was afraid to kiss you,
when i first kissed you i was afraid to love you,
and now that i love you im so afraid to lose you.

Buti can't promise you perfection,
cause that is not who i am.
i can't promise you forever, cause i don't hold fate within my hands.
i can't promise you the sunshine, because i know there will be rain.
i can't promise you complete happiness, cause with true love, there comes pain.
i can't promise to always smile, cause life always has a way to make me cry.
i can't promise to always stand strong, cause it's never easy to want to give life another try
all i can promise you is me myself and i.
i can promise to always be there when you need someone.
i can promise to be fully loyal and love you to the best of my abilities.
I can promise to fight for this when things get rough
and most of all i promise i will not give up without that fight

Rhys

Promise me
That's all i want
Just promise me that you'll never forget me
Tell me i changed you somehow
Let me know that i had an impact on your life
Promise me that you'll always remember me
Losing you was hard enough
but i don't want to go on knowing i mean absolutely nothing to you.

And you can break and you can mend
for all the wrongs that you defend
we learn the hard way in the end

'That's the beautiful thing about being human. Things change'

Oh baby

You better hold me down,
Stand me up
Keep me safe while im falling to pieces
And tell me how,
should i bend
If all i know is to break.