'Grief is like an illness. Different people respond to it in different ways, and they find different ways of treating the symptoms. It's like a virus, once its in your blood you can't fight it and there is no cure. You just have to travel with it and see where it takes you.'

When you lose someone, its hard, its really really hard. and i thought that it didnt have to be like that for me. I thought that, i could push it all out of my mind and i'd be okay. but the truth is, life hurts people, life hurts us all, and you think you can control the hurt but you cant. and being sad is nothing to be ashamed of. and i have lost a lot in this past year, and i am really sad about it, but im also really really angry.
so, when i first lost the biggest part in my life, my first thought was to get rid of any proof that he ever existed, and i most definatly did that. my second plan was to find someone who could get rid of the hurt, however, although it made it go away for a little while, i quickly learnt that healing myself, is something only i can do. and sure, it may take another month, or it may take a year before i can fully be okay again, but i will do it, and im certain of that :)
i think the truth is, it always hurts to lose, and i thought i was strong, and i could just get over it like that, but when someone lies to you, and stabs you in the fucking back and then breaks your heart after promising you so many things, you cant help but feel hurt.
and maybe i deal with grief in the wrong way, maybe being a bit of a slag, or partying too hard arent the best ways to get through it, but its MY way, and i AM getting through it, so i dont care if other people say im doing it all wrong.
and maybe, instead of keeping my mouth shut, i should be talking about it, but maybe i dont wanan talk about it. like i said, that person, did not exist as far as im concerned, so there is nothing to talk about.

so i may not be grieving in the right way, but im doing it my way
and im doing just fine.

xx