:'(

Whether i do have cancer, or whether i dont isnt the issue anymore.
because its woken me up.
i need to stop waiting around. i need to get out there and actually live.
you only get one life, and im ready to face everything its going to throw at me.
I dont need sympathy, all i need is my friends and my family to really pull together for me, and just pray that my test results come back negative.
and even though, there might be some horrible illness inside of me right now, taking over my body, im not going to sit here and cry about it.
because if the doctors suspicions are right, then there is nothing i can do about it.
i have to let nature take its course.
they will either be able to cure me.. or they wont.

before you think im being over dramatic, i better explain the whole situation.
for the last 6months, i havent been very well, if rather not go in to it too much, but ive put off going to the doctors for a really long time, partly because i was embarrassed and partly because i didnt want to hear what i had to say. but anyways, i went yesterday, and i listed all my symptoms, and he was pretty concerned, and along with the fact that ive lost a lot of weight, and my family history, he said he needs to urgently reffer me for tests. and here i am now.
if its not what the doctor thinks it is, then something is still very wrong, but he said we need to rule out the cancer first.

im seventeen and nothing prepared me for this.
i have honestly never felt so alone and so scared in my life.
and suddenly everything else seems so trivial.
getting broken up with by andy? yeh its nothign compared to this. trust me.
i dont need people to feel sorry for me, or walk on egg shells around me, or be any nice to me just cus this is happening, i just need support.
ad until i get my test results back, im going to carry on as normal.
keep your fingers crossed for me okay.

:'(

xx