MY HEART IS FUCKING BREAKING.

:'(

Just because, we've been together for three months, don't think that i don't need reassurance, and lovely texts and random hugs and kisses in the middle of the street. Because i do.
I just want someone to love me, and i want them to love me right. ANd if you dont start to fucking tell me that im the reason you breath, then eventually im going to find someone else who will tell me all of the things i only every wanted to hear from you.
And i love you, with every bone in my body, and i don't ever want to leave.
Im trusting you, and it's been really hard after jordan, and its really hard now because sometimes you give me reason not to trust you.
And you completley and utterly break my heart with some of the things you say and do, but it doesnt mean that i love you any less.
So just start being how you were at the begginning, when i was the most important thing to ever walk in you your world.
Start being the boy who i fell in love with again. STOP snapping at me. STOP getting angry at every little thing i do. and STOP being jelous and paranoid, because no boy compares to you and im never going to leave you.
You make me cry sometiems, but you are the reason that i smile, each and every single day.
If your gonna leave ,just do it, if not, start treating me nice.

Things are shit right now.
Whatevers going on, these panic attacks, or whatever they are, they're making things hard for me.
But im gonna fight until its over.
Cus im not gonna let them take over.
its not gonna be easy.
but im gonna do it.
Things get worse before they get better right?

x

.

I have a million different amazing friends, who i know i can turn to at any given moment,
i have an amazing boyfriend,
and a pretty solid family.
and i've never felt more alone in my whole life.

The past

The past is done.
Its unchangeable.
Move on.

Just because i finally got over you,
Doesn't mean there aren't days when it all comes rushing back.

I can't do this anymore.
I just can't.
Rhys, i miss you. Sometimes i miss you so much it hurts. I miss everything we were and everything we could of been. You were my best friend and i am always going to want you around, but you just hurt me too much. You pull me back in and then you completley and utterly break my heart all over again. I believed that we could make this work, and be the best of friends again, and i honestly thought you were telling the truth, i thought i had been the one lying to you, but it turns out its been the other way round. All along.
And i will talk to you on msn, but we can't have these deep talks about the past and i cant meet up with you because i'll just get pulled back in.
When i saw you the other day, it was like a weight had finally been lifted from my shoulders, and when i hugged you, i just wanted to cry because it felt so familiar. But if you cant be my friend, then i cant do this. you only see me and speak to me when its convinient for you, and i used to think that i could do that, but now i know that its much, much harder to have it half way than to not have it at all.
Im sorry.
But im falling apart.
And your not here to make it okay.
Your breaking my heart rhysee baby.
And i need it whole so i can give it to andy and love him with everything that i know im capeable of.

I wonder how many times we'll say goodbye before we actually let go

Yeah your right,
forever is a pretty damm long time,
but that is EXACTLY how long i am gonna love you.