Whatever it is thats had this hold on me for the past few weeks, whether its panic attacks or what, i think its over now.
I know that maybe i haven't won the war, but i won this battle at least.
It's not going to be easy, and im going to have to fight to be okay, but i think i can do it.
Things have been changing the past few months and its been really hard but i think im slowely adjusting.
School is getting easier, im settling in, im not hurting anymore because of any of the people from my past, and me and andy..well, we're okay. Sometimes i just think that maybe he's a little bit like jordan, but i dont know if thats all in my head. Im scared of him sometimes, scared to make him angry or.. i dont know, its so hard to explain. either way, its going to be okay.
But you know what i figured, even if me and andy broke up, it would be okay, cus sure it would hurt, but he's changed me, he's taught me to be honest and good and nice and im eternally grateful for all of those things,
so even if we dont grow up and get married and have children, its alright, because we'll both meet someone who we do end up going through those things with.
Because as much as id like to be with andy forever, im not naive enough to think that its a certain possibility.
I've promised forever before. I promised it to myself to a boy who i thought was the love of my life, but it just didnt happen.
But you know what, sometimes, you love, you learn and you move on... and thats okay.

x